a/k/a Aunt Possum Blossom …

Sigh …Yes, I have many aliases which I have earned according to the respective sources. This one comes from my niece, the mother of my great-nephew who blessed me with the Aunt Maxine alias.  Surprised?  Yeah, I am not either.   It does come on down the line and actually started somewhere on my dad’s side as he, his brothers and their dad were all practical jokesters and constantly laughing! I would not be surprised to hear that it started way back – even before their time.  That good ol’ Harnage DNA!

 Now, apparently God felt bad for all of you in that I have not had any episodes this week which would keep you (and Him) entertained; so, knowing that He and you were bored, He decided to change it up a bit and allow me to nix the blank canvas! I truly believe that God has a great sense of humor and He and I have a great relationship.  He keeps me Blessed and I keep Him entertained.

Anyhoo, back to the set of train tracks on which I initially started today’s trip. I have to give you a bit of history so you will understand the connection between the name and the current event.  Get comfy.  This will take a little bit.

Aunt Possum Blossom emerged due to a possum that Aunt Maxine “thought” was dead.  The key word here is “thought”.   Now, this was several years back when I was still of the age and legs to wear a nice little red miniskirt and heels which I had on that morning to wear to work.  The morning started out great.  I began driving out of the driveway when I instantly noticed a blob right in front of the carport, stopped the vehicle and went to investigate.  It was a “dead possum”.  Two more key words – “dead possum”.

 Aunt Maxine has the weakest of weak stomachs of anyone ever. I have references on this one, too.  I start gagging just at the mere mention or even thought of blood and guts {{gag}} {{gag}}!  And, too, at this time, I also left Dog outside anytime I left the house as his idea of interior design was not the same as mine, if you get my drift.  So, leaving Dead Possum or dead anything for that matter in the yard with Dog for nine to ten hours (or even one second) is not a thought I needed to entertain for any length of time, much less all day!  Therefore, in little red miniskirt and heels, I placed Dog back inside so he would not be privy to what was happening and began preparing a grave for Dead Possum.  {{{gag}}}  I scooped up Dead Possum with the shovel and placed him in his grave.  He was dead weight.  I started shoveling dirt in on Dead Possum when after about three to four shovels of dirt, I noticed his tail sticking up.  Darn!  I know I covered it up a shovel or so ago.  A few more shovels of dirt.  Then I noticed a leg.  Darn! Again?  Really?  Rigor mortis must be setting in.  More shovels of dirt! {Frenzy}  Finally, got  Dead Possum completely covered, packed in, gave a little eulogy, poured some bleach over the top to prevent Dog’s nose from getting him in trouble, brought Dog back outside, and down the road I went.

 On my way to work, as usual, the mind is always going and I am reflecting back on the morning. The tail and leg episodes cross paths with those thoughts.  Wait a minute!!!  Possum. Possums play dead. YIKES!!!! I just buried a live possum!  Remember my key words from above?  Yep.    Apparently, possums aren’t very smart because at what point do you think you would give up playing possum, get up and run like Chuckie was on your heels with a machete if you were being buried alive???? Yeah, I thought so, too.

At this point, I did not know what to do.  Do I keep continue on to work?  Do I go home and uncover him?  I decided it was too late.  I buried a  DUMB possum playing possum.   Apparently Dumb Possum and Dog played first thing resulting in Dumb Possum trying to play Dead Possum.

 So, I get to work and I have a good friend of mine who is a BIG animal lover. I am an animal lover, too, but she is also an ALL animal lover.  Not just pets, but critters.  ALL critters.  Even the not so pleasant ones like possums, raccoons, SNAKES!, etc.  She threatens to call PETA every time she finds out I have shot a snake.  There is no way I wanted her to find out I buried a possum alive!  Shhhh…..don’t tell her.

 On my way home that evening, I stop and buy a bag of lime to spread over the grave to neutralize it. Each and every day as I drive in, I slowly drive by allowing me to look making sure there have not been any grave robbers (Dog) in the area.  This lasted about a week or so when Grave Robber made his appearance on a Friday evening!    Ugh.  Grave Robber dug up Dead Possum’s carcass.  {{{gag}}}}  (I told you I had a weak stomach!) The solution?  I had a small pile of debris that needed burning and I started it, threw the remains on the fire and went about my way.  I made sure the fire was out before I went to bed all the while smiling thinking this was the end.  Nope.

 The next morning after Dog had been outside to do his “bizness”, I take a walk around to get a looksee and Grave Robber had made his appearance once again! The carcass had been pulled out of the ashes!  Are you kidding me????  This possum is going to haunt me forever!  Now I am mad!  I get the shovel, scoop up Dead Burnt Decayed Possum, and toss him over the fence into the woods and yell, “Now! Don’t come back!”

Niece had already been hearing about this drama as it unfolded since she and I talk on a regular basis. She, too, gets it honestly!  She and I are pooh magnets!  We have references for that as well.  And what does Niece nickname me, but Aunt Possum Blossom!  This is between hoots of laughter.  I love you, too.  Hence, the alias.  Sigh …

 You know that old word, Karma? Yeah, … it can be sweet!   Niece had to call up Aunt Possum Blossom one evening upon her and her family’s return from out of town to an awful smell in their townhouse.  Come to find out a possum had crawled up in the dryer vent and DIED!!!  Ahh yeah, karma smells so nice!  Take a whiff of EWWWWW.  Decaying possum not so much!  Hahaha!  And what name did Niece earn?  Possum Blossom, Jr!

 Ever since Possum Blossom, Jr.’s event, I have been fearful that the same would happen to me. Well, good ol’ Karma strikes AGAIN!  I walk in the back door last night only to catch a whiff of an EWWW coming from between the washer and dryer.  My nose is going faster than Dog’s ever thought of doing!  I open the dryer door and get a faint ewwww smell.  I turn on the dryer to see if what effect it has – nothing really and ewwww seems to go away. Maybe it blew out the vent!  Nice!

 This morning? Nice not so much.  I check the Ewwww area and Ewwww is still there.  AUGH!!!!  And get this, coupons for the critter getter company (company also removes critter ewwwws) has been sitting on my desk for a while just in case since I live in the country…and it expired when?  Yesterday!  Go figure!  And today is Friday which means I will probably end up having to pay for the weekend rates!  Scream it with me – “AUGH!!!!!”

 And to top it all off? I have out of town family coming in Sunday.

 {{Kaplunk}} Another cherry pit thrown into the bowl …

 [To Be Continued {{{gag}}}]

 Ya Gotta Laugh!

 Aunt Maxine

2 thoughts on “a/k/a Aunt Possum Blossom …

  1. Pingback: a/k/a Aunt Possum Blossom … | Aunt Maxine and The Blog

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