Chapter 999,999,999 of Me vs. Dog

I swear this dog is THE most stubborn dog I have ever in my life been around much less owned!   I was so frustrated and upset when I (FINALLY) left for work this morning that I was muttering all the way!  “Darned dog.  You are pushing my last buttons!  Blah blah blah …I’ll put your butt down a lot sooner than you need to be! Blah blah blah  GET OUT OF THE WAY!  JUST GO!!!  … blah blah blah …Dog, you really have no clue how spoiled you are.  Oh yes you do! Blah blah blah  …”

[Note: Before you  get all riled up and have your panties/drawers all in a wad, Dog is not going to be put down unless it is necessary for his quality of life and, then, until it is probably way past time to do so.  I have been this route with two of my prior dogs and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.  I love this dog and that is the problem as he knows it ALL TOO WELL!]

Due to the cold weather North Florida has been experiencing this week, Dog has had to spend his days inside. He has not been happy.  He shoots out the back door like a cannon as soon as I open the door every evening.

Apparently this morning, he decided he wasn’t having it. Nope.  He was taking this bull by the horns and directing the decision.  And, that he did!  Midway through  my makeup routine, he comes in bathroom panting and all antsy.  Well, we all know what this means:  1) pain; 2) outside; 3) treats; 4) food; 5) water; and/or 6) just to irritate the daylights out of me because he can.  Number 6 probably needs to be placed in the first spot instead of the very last or, oh heck! Just include it in every one!

This morning it turns out Nos. 2 & 6 were the answers. He was not going to stay inside.  No sirree!  Nope.  Nada.  Not happening. I let him out and continue getting ready for work.  I had already made the decision to leave him outside today as the weather was going to mimic a beautiful Spring day!  (And I have to go to work! Hmph!  And Dog isn’t spoiled?  I go to work while he enjoys all the benefits!)  I am running on time at this point so begin to prepare everything for his outdoor comfort and wellbeing.  In addition, since he will refuse to come inside, I proceed to get his pills and “smoked chicken pill pockets” ready so I can just give to him before I enter my vehicle.  Piece of cake, right?  Nope!  (Why would you even think it would go that easy?)

At this point, I am pushing the clock. Out I go, loading all of the bags (excluding the kitchen sink today) and coffee mug in vehicle while Dog is giving me “that” look – you know, the stank eye (see pic above).  He is lying down behind my vehicle just glaring at me.  I call him.  He saunters on over and the first yum yum he spits out! What?  And then walks off!  You are probably thinking, so leave him as is and don’t worry about his Yum Yums.  You do not understand.  These Yum Yums contain pain pills and Prozac!  I will have to deal with the repercussions of his not taking them and that would not be a good scenario – even worse than what I am going through trying to give them to him.

So, after him I go with the Stuffed Yum Yums. Spits each one out!  I get the Prozac down and start with the rest.  You are going to take these pills if you have to choke on each Yum Yum!  Finally!  Success!  But, at this point, I am not only late for work, but PO’d hence the muttering all the way to work!

I reluctantly send Boss an e-mail that he is used to receiving at least once a week: “Running late, but on my way.” .. ugh … so thankful for a boss who is not a morning person! Whew!

So, of course, on the way to work, who do I get behind ALL THE WAY TO WORK – Slowbees!!!! MOVE! JUST GO FOR GOODNESS SAKE!  GOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lord help me. Better yet, Lord, please help those who cross my path today.  Thank you and amen.

Until the next chapter …

Ya gotta laugh!

Aunt Maxine

P.S. Can Dog come stay with you?



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